I faked an abortion last night.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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