i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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