Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
