Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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