his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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