Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
