I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
