just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
