drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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