i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
