I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
