I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
