I need help removing her.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
