dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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