dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
