Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
