I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
