4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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