I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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