im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
