Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
