I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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