I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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