i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
