Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
