Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
