Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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