I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
