So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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