Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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