she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
