i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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