Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
