i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
