am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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