do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
