I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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