I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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