He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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