I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
