Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
