Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
