someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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