ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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