Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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