I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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