pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
