i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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