I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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