Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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