yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
