i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
